Asian Times/July 2004
Making a difference

Why Asian women must fulfil their promise, by Pinky Lilani

MY FAVOURITE line from the film My Big Fat Greek Wedding is when the mother tells her daughter that though the man may be the head of the house it is the woman who is the neck and decides which way the head will turn! I am only too aware that sometimes it is such hard work moving the head that “pain in the neck” and “sticking ones neck out” takes on a different meaning!

Women all over the world are helping to drive economic progress, contribute to their communities and support their families. They have more independence and freedom of action than ever before. However there are still gross inequalities - millions of women still have to work harder than men to make a living, many still shoulder the full responsibility for caring. They will have less control over income and assets, and are subject to violence and intimidation and often no real say in important decisions that affect them.

There are so many issues that women need to contend with - expectations and aspirations conjoin to make the juggling act impossible at times. Superwife, supermom and superwoman. In a world obsessed by achievement, public approval takes precedence over crucial values. We need to analyse what we want and also what we want for our children. We need to articulate our vision. Some of the issues are sensitive and difficult. The question that arises in societies like Britain, where cultures co-exist is essentially how can the relationship between cultures be turned into co-operation rather than conflict.

In trying to live in a fishbowl, the identities that make us what we are often get skewed. The multiple identity crisis - being an Asian woman, a Muslim/Hindu/Sikh/woman and a British woman can at times be difficult to resolve for many. We should not have to choose. We should be proud to be whatever we wish to be and the need to communicate this is vital.

For example, take the lack of understanding about Islam, a source of sadness to so many of us. The media often equate Islam with the actions of its most extreme adherents. Too much of media presents Islam not as a rich and varied culture underpinned by a great religion which believes firmly in compassion and working together with others for the achievements of goodness but as the sum of terrorist bombings and atrocities conducted by a few in its name.

The option: exist to be silent observer or to try to make a difference.

We chose the second option. The women's interfaith network was set up by a Jewish friend and this writer to engage women from many faiths in larger conversations to build understanding, respect and trust. To celebrate the diversity and richness of different faiths and importance of building deeper relationships and camaraderie - in essence to make a difference.

Making a difference is what so many women hope to do, and the good news is, they really can. We still play a very large part in determining the transmitting of cultural and religious norms to the next generation. For those of us who belong to minority communities this is vital. Whilst it is important for us to integrate into the wider society in which we live and play an active role in community life if we are to have any influence, it is equally important to ensure that our children are imbued with our values - values of hard work, importance of the family, respect for elders, compassion and social responsibility.

For too long many Asian women have juggled so many balls and tried to keep them all in the air and never been recognised for any of it. The stereotype of Asian women staying at home and making chappatis or walking behind their men and never being heard is both unfair and unjust. The Asian Women of Achievement Awards has brought into the public forum the diversity and spectacular achievement of Asian women in different fields - from neuroscience to flamenco dancing. Recognition, celebration and acknowledgment is vital for self belief and growth - but also to ensure that role models inspire the next generation to pursue careers that were never envisaged and that boundaries are pushed to the limit. The only thing holding so many women back are their own self-limiting beliefs.

The question often posed is how can women and especially those from the Asian community make a difference; how can they contribute to the big picture? The only way to do this is to participate in public life. It is of little value to sit on the sidelines and snipe about discrimination. Yes, of course that does occur, but never before have there been so many opportunities for women to partake in public life in a manner that is both flexible and rewarding. The government is committed to ensuring the participation of more women in public life. Public service through the public appointment system is a great way of contributing and of self development.

Today, only 2% of all national and public appointments are held by minority ethnic women - an area where we must urge more of our women to enter. The problem is a lack of information but also a lack of confidence, a lack of mentors and role models and support from the family. These are some of the issues we need to address before women are able to realise their enormous potential.

For more information about opportunities visit: www.womenandequalityunit.gov.uk