Asiana Wedding/Autumn:Winter 2004
The First Supper

Learn how to cook up a treat and impress your mother-in-law with the food of love.”

Twenty years ago, the idea of an Asian bride not knowing how to cook would have been met with laughter. But juggling a hectic career and a family is no mean feat, so there simply isn't the time anymore to wax lyrical about the correct way to crush a clove or spend hours learning how to knead chapatti dough. Whether you can't cook or won't cook, the fact is that while you will be marrying a wonderful man who may understand your reasons, you'll be gaining a new family who'll want to see the proof in the pudding and the pakoras. Because there she will be, your mother-in-law, clamouring to see whether her son has married a good home-maker. It's not a wise idea to start off married life without having her on your side and the only language Asian mothers-in-law understand is of the culinary variety.

One of the first gestures brides make after the wedding is to invite their in-laws over for a meal. But if you don't know how to cook, then what should be a happy occasion can turn into a nightmare. No, takeaways won't do. It is an important event for any bride, but according to Pinky Lilani, who's helped hundreds of people learn how to cook, it needn't be an anxious one.

Pinky, who is a development consultant with major food companies and who runs her own seminars and classes, reassures: 'I do get a lot of brides who panic about their cooking skills. And I think the reason why they may not have picked this up from their mothers may be because of the way it's been taught. When your mum teaches you, there is a lot she'll be able to pass on, but she's probably not used to teaching and may rush through things or get a little impatient. And when that happens it can be difficult to pick up things coherently.'

There's a common misconception surrounding cookery classes - surely they're for dummies who must be completely hopeless at it? But it isn't always the case, according to newlywed Amrit Gill. She sighed: 'I wish I'd known to ask someone to teach me, but I felt that it was embarrassing to admit I couldn't cook. My husband knows, of course, but I did find it hard to muddle through with my mother-in-law. There were things she expected me to do which I didn't really have a clue about.'

The other myth we choose to believe is that Indian cooking is complicated, time-consuming and unhealthy. Why spend hours in the kitchen when you can pop a Lean Cuisine in the microwave?

The fact is that Indian food is extremely healthy - more so than oven or processed foods, which are often overloaded with salt or littered with additives. Pinky adds: 'One of the things I do is to simplify the rules of cooking, so it makes it easier to understand. For instance, some Indian food has lots of oil in it because people don't understand how to cook with the right amount. If you put lots of ghee in something, it's less likely to burn, but it doesn't necessarily mean it's going to taste nice and healthy. There's lots of other things - like which ingredients blend well with others, how different pans conduct heat - it's all about simplicity.'

If the person who taught you to cook ranted and raved, then you're not going to have a very good time in the kitchen. And naturally, the moment you pick up that spice box, those associations you made will come flooding back to you. 'Positive energy', says Pinky, 'is what will see you through the day.'

'Of course it can be nerve-wracking when considering what to cook for your in-laws, but you shouldn't let it get the better of you. From my own point of view, I didn't know how to cook when I first got married, and I slowly learned along the way. It's extremely important that you keep it as simple as possible because you need to be able to enjoy yourself. It's very easy to get tense but you need to relax otherwise your guests are going to pick up on that. If you give the impression that you are in command, even if you don't necessarily feel that you are, your guests will be at ease as well. And one sage piece of advice - don't ask for comments! You may not like it if they're brutally honest and if they're going to say something nice, then they'll say it.'

It can often be stressful on the day, particularly trying to juggle preparing the meal, spending time with your guests and making sure everything is running smoothly. Pinky advises: 'I would probably prepare one or two of the dishes earlier on, perhaps one of the courses that needs no reheating. If you can't afford to hire someone for a couple of hours, make sure your husband helps you out - whether it's cooking or cleaning up. And so that you can spend time with your guests, prepare the garnishes beforehand and keep a couple of dishes in heated pots.

Organising dinner functions for politicians and high-profile businessmen makes Pinky the perfect hostess to guide you through the pitfalls of dinner parties and give you countless tips on how to improve your menu and presentation. Even if it is an informal dinner for your in-laws, there are personal touches they'd appreciate because it shows attention to detail. It doesn't have to be a serious affair, there are ways to lighten the mood.

Menu cards, says Pinky, are ideal to break the ice. It won't just make your guests feel special, but is a good opportunity to insert jokes or anecdotes for them to share and laugh over. 'It's not complicated at all. I just print them off my home computer. There are other little flourishes, and a lot of them don't cost much. Who says an informal affair needs to be run-of-the-mill? If you want people to be relaxed, then light a few candles and sprinkle some flowers around - always use fresh, never use plastic - to create a great ambience. Presentation is always important. You'd be amazes at what a simple leaf of mint or a few springs of coriander can do.'